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Call today:503-708-4404 for an appointment
or
e-mail:Jean@BecomingYouHypnosis.com
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Loss of the Dream of Love
By David Quigley
By David Quigley
Information provided by: David Quigley, Founder and Director of The Alchemy Institute of Hypnosis
Sometimes we discover that the love we thought we knew never really existed. I once described some of the abuses of my first marriage to a new love. She looked at me with sympathy and shock. "David," she said, "Isn't it obvious that she never really loved you?" This awareness hit me like a flash of light in the darkness of my pain.
There is something profoundly liberating about this insight. In discovering this we can sometimes dispense with anger at the other person. After all, while the wife I thought I married may have been an evil betrayer, the one I actually married was a mentally ill woman, a lost child so wounded by her abusive childhood that she was incapable of loving me... or anyone else. While I still needed to release anger at myself for my foolish choices (see the self forgiveness process in Part 2) I could let this poor woman off the hook. Here are some other examples of losing the dream of love.
There is something profoundly liberating about this insight. In discovering this we can sometimes dispense with anger at the other person. After all, while the wife I thought I married may have been an evil betrayer, the one I actually married was a mentally ill woman, a lost child so wounded by her abusive childhood that she was incapable of loving me... or anyone else. While I still needed to release anger at myself for my foolish choices (see the self forgiveness process in Part 2) I could let this poor woman off the hook. Here are some other examples of losing the dream of love.
"My dad was never there for me. Now after his death I realize he was never even a father to any of us. Just a drunk. He could never have been what I wanted."
"He never even said I love you once in seven years together. He never even looked at me with love in his eyes. He never mentioned any future for us. Why did I stay?"
"After that one night of passion, I have spent 30 years obsessing over him."
"He never even said I love you once in seven years together. He never even looked at me with love in his eyes. He never mentioned any future for us. Why did I stay?"
"After that one night of passion, I have spent 30 years obsessing over him."
In addition to the Self Forgiveness process described in Part 2, we need to find the inner mate or inner parent in the subconscious mind who can meet our needs for love.
Still another process that may be essential here is examining the past life contract with this other person. Many times I find that long term obsessions about a relationship that has never met our basic needs for love and never will are the result of a past life connection with another person. In a past life this person may have been a true and devoted lover. Or maybe just a powerful obsession like the Romeo and Juliet romance. Could you imagine Romeo following his Juliet through one lifetime after another trying to fulfill their promise to each other? Yes, that would be quite typical of the past life contracts that I have frequently discovered. Yet, until we can examine the situation of their original contract with each other, it may be impossible for these two to even imagine a life apart from each other. Once we have discovered their contract, we can help them to see that an adolescent fantasy of romance with a suicide pact, however poignant, is no substitute for a lasting relationship. Then both parties to this contract can simply let it go if it no longer serves them.
Here is a real life example. One client was trapped in a five year marriage filled with conflict. She understood that the man she loved was just a fantasy. But she could not let go. We went back to where this relationship began and she saw herself as a young southern belle in a vast plantation in the old south. She had fallen in love with a handsome black slave, and in a moment of adolescent passion promised to free him from his slavery, escape with him to the frontier, and marry him. Her brief affair led to her pregnancy. After giving birth to a black child her lover was quickly identified. She was told he had been killed. But she promised to remain faithful forever. She went home to her present husband that evening. As she described this story to him, he burst into tears. He told her he remembered all of it. But he insisted that he had escaped the hounds by swimming across the river, and had later come back to claim her, but she had married someone else. "I had to!" she cried, "but in my heart I wanted only you." They shared these powerful memories together and held each other close for hours of tears. Then they were finally able to see the foolishness of their childish fantasy and let each other go with no regrets. A five year obsession was ended in a few hours.